A Further Anthology On Women

WHITE WOMEN

First date – You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date – You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date – You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position.

IRISH WOMEN

First Date – You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date – You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary – You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN WOMEN

First Date – You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date – You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti and meatballs.
Third Date – You have sex, she wants to marry you and insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary – You already have five kids together and hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary – You find yourself a girlfriend.

INDIAN WOMEN

First date – Meet her parents.
Second date – Set the date of the wedding.
Third date – Wedding night.

BLACK WOMEN

First Date – You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date – You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date – You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date – She's pregnant by someone other than you. You get AIDS.

MEXICAN WOMEN

First Date – You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date – She's pregnant.
Third Date – She moves in. One week later: her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio Grande.

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IRISH WOMEN?

Romance Mathematics

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS AND STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.