How To Cope With Loss And Pain

When you lose someone or something that is very precious, the grief is intense. Pain, memories, questions haunt you. You feel that you will never recover. Nothing in the whole world seems to matter. You feel you will never be the same again; never really laugh, never recover, never be whole again.

However, it is possible to heal emotionally, mentally, physically and in spirit and become a compassionate, feeling, laughing human being once again.


1.Face up to the issue. Though other people around you may help you temporarily forget your pain, you'll never truly heal until you confront the situation. Ignoring the pain and not feeling it can sometimes bring serious repurcussions later. You may push emotions away for months, only to have those bottled-up feelings explode out of you when you least expect it. Stuffing/ignoring emotions can lead to a nervous breakdown, or a mental freak-out.

2.Share your feelings with others. If you can't find a friend, lean on a compassionate stranger.

3.Let your pain come out. Let the tears flow. It is okay to cry even if you are not the kind of person who shows your feelings. It's not "wimpy" or weak to show your emotions; it takes strength and bravery to open up to people, and it takes tremendous courage to ask for help.

4.Try and remember the good times instead of focusing on negative things.

5.Do whatever gives you peace; gardening, cooking, fishing, listening to your favorite music, walking, drawing, painting, writing, etc.

6.Participate in any activity you may enjoy; drama, surfing, deep sea diving, rock climbing, rafting, bungee jumping.

7.Take care not to feel lonely. Taking care of a pet or a few plants might be a good idea.

8.Involve yourself with social work. When you involve yourself with other people's lives, you gain many insights to cope better. Volunteering to help with young children may be especially good. Their spontaneity, their laughter will soothe you.

9.Realize that it is OK to laugh. So watch that funny movie and laugh with friends.

10.Save things that remind you of your loved one. Just because the person is gone doesn't mean you shouldn't always remember him or her.

11.It may be comforting to know that even if the person is no longer here, the friendship/family ties you have with them still exists. No one will ever be able to take that away from you, and the relationship you have with them will always be a part of you.

12.Remember that time heals. It doesn't cure, it never will; but that's a good thing. We never forget those who we love. And shouldn't. We wouldn't want to be forgotten.

13.Don't regret anything. Don't put yourself down because you didn't have the chance to say you were sorry or I love you or goodbye. You can still say it. If you're not dealing with death, but rather just the loss of a relationship, take advantage of the chance that you still have.

14.Love yourself.Find your heart of hearts and your strength of strengths. If you fall (and you will fall), laugh at yourself, kick yourself in the butt and and go on.

15.Some pain is unfathomable, and part of facing pain is not to ignore it, but simply "be" with the grief and sadness, and make sure you talk with friends/family who won't expect you to "buck up" and put on the "I'm fine" show for them. You are suffering, and it's okay to have time alone, seek out people who will take care of you, and even seek out a support group or therapist who can help you through this time.

16.Allow yourself to heal. Allow yourself to be whole.


18.If your suffering from a relationship passed think of it as their loss because you are special.

19.It sounds totally stupid, but there really are more fish in the sea. Every time a relationship doesn't work, you learn more of what you do and don't want in a relationship.

20.Staying with someone who isn't right for you only takes up the space that "Mr. or Ms. Right" could possibly fill!

21.Go to a happy place.


• Life is beautiful. It has many wonderful surprises in store for you. So go ahead smile, visit new places, meet new people and you never know where you may find a miracle.
• Let yourself be mad. It's OK. We all have to go through our cycle of life, death and feelings. Grieve for as long as you need to no matter what anyone says. This is your time. You can't heal if you don't grieve in your time. Just don't let it consume you completely, i.e. with drugs, alcohol, or seclusion.
• At one point or another we all deal with something similar to this, know that there are other people out there who can help you cope with this.
• The road that all must travel is the one that the heart decides.
• We are who we choose to be, It is our choices in life that ultimately decide who we are and who we will become.

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