How To Talk About Sex With Your Bride

Is this conversation really necessary? Yes. The only thing that couples tend to fight more often about than money is sex. If you both have been good little kids and saved yourself for your wedding night, then it’s critical for you talk about your desires and your passions. That way, neither of you is in for a nasty surprise in the honeymoon suite. If you’re both inexperienced, you can start to talk about your expectations for your married love lives. Preparing for awkward moments in bed together can keep your sex fun and lighthearted.

Do it in broad daylight. Right before or after sex are the two worst possible moments to talk about it. This isn’t football. Nobody needs a pre-game warm up or a post-game analysis. Instead, set aside a private time during the day, like a breakfast or a lunch. Open up to her warmly, and tell her that you want to start talking about your mutual expectations, hopes, and fears about sex. If she’s a little embarrassed, that’s fine. You can at least let her know that you’re thinking about the topic, and that you want to set a time to talk more about it when she’s ready. Just have your talk at least the day before you plan to have sex, or your heads and your bodies will refuse to cooperate.

Get on the same page and remember who you’re dealing with. Some guys tend to ignore or forget that their brides had lives before they came along. If there’s a particular sexual activity that your bride picked up from one of her previous relationships, there’s nothing wrong with calling plays from the losing team’s book. Remember that she’s with you because of who you are, and together you can cook up some winning moves of your own. Whatever you do, don’t get shy or embarrassed or jealous about discussing what she did with other guys – just change the names to protect the innocent. Likewise, don’t brag about your own sexual exploits – just suggest things that you may have done to please the women in your past that won’t get to enjoy your talents in the future.

If she’s new, walk her through. If your bride is a virgin, discover how much she really knows about sex and what her expectations are. Try a fun run-through with all of your clothes on, so she can get used to the sensations of being wrapped up in your body. Just don’t let your dress rehearsal wind up with her dress on the floor, or you’ll rob her of an important achievement.

A little humility goes a long way. Managing her expectations is one of the most important elements of happy honeymoon sex. Without debasing yourself to the point that she questions your engagement, set her expectations a little bit lower. Don’t brag about what you’re going to do to her or how you’ll make her feel. That way, if you spring your sex god routine on her in the honeymoon suite, she’ll be surprised and delighted. And if, for some reason, you don’t perform to your usual standards, she won’t be disappointed, either.

If in doubt, call in the cavalry. If you can’t seem to express yourself on your own, seek help from a licensed sex therapist in your community. He or she can discreetly help you work through your challenges and expand your boundaries. If either of you are particularly inexperienced, your therapist can provide you with some on-the-spot sex education, with models and diagrams to help you both understand what’s really going to happen. National directory of sex therapy professionals:

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