Where An American Can Find The Ukrainian Wife?

Brief instruction to those who are going to marry.

Chapter one.

Some stuff from the history of the question.

Let’s say from the beginning that under the title “Ukrainian Woman” we will keep in mind all the ladies, natives from CIS countries, former territory of the Soviet Union with the population in hundreds millions people equal approximately to the modern population of the Unite States of America. So, when the big country in the other hemisphere collapsed in 1991 and was transformed into small independent national republics, hundred millions people, grown in the similar social formation, were left with one and the only inheritance – Ukrainian language as a dowry, which used to unite them all, and as a sequence – the similar Ukrainian consciousness. And undoubtedly, minimum half of them were the women, with the different destinies, different life experiences and carriers but with one similarity – national and demographical tragedy, which in the changing epoch like with the scythe mowed strong before men. The biologists proved that the evolution is built the way that the women accept the lessons given by the stresses, preparing their inside genetic to mutations. And the men who are not able to overcome the stresses or even in resistance to stress are dying. Survivors will become only those who are able to be adoptive to the evolutionary transformation. Only they will plow the new seeds for the next generations.

So, minimum hundred million of educated women of reproductive age was left in the demographic lane. Of course, some of them were lucky – they had the beloved one’s, husbands or just boyfriends. But there are appeared the huge groups of those who had lack of men, because all – the best and the worst of them were already occupied. Of course, those women, left without personal life can stay in the long turn of waiting, sacrificing their women’s destiny to the good luck chance. But better for them were not to wait the wonders, but to make the miracles with their own hands. So the glances of former compatriots, Ukrainian women with the expectations turned towards the western, including American, men. Among those women were the natives from Ukraine, the proud ladies from the Caucasus and Central Asia, the pale blonds from Baltic countries and the natives from the depth of Siberia. Although it may seem strange but the two different continents were pushed to each other and mutual communication with the economic crises and instability in the CIS counties. And the developing of the Global System of Internet was quiet a bonus to this entire plot. If, for example, this demographic crises would happened hundred of years ago, it is possible that the sequences of the wearisome wait of the financers from overseas will be doomed to failure. Because there were only the big ships which cruised between the continents and the high-speed planes were not invented yet. But in the modern days when all the cherished desires may one day come true, there was destined to be establish the bridge of integration and cultural penetration of nations and nationalities through the foreign marriages. Or the inventive God once again decided to mix us from the times of Babylon tower, with so different experiences, languages and genetic databases? Or may be the powerful Universe once again make experiments with us, mixing it genetic cocktail?

So, all the huge and strong like the ocean wave, human masses, pushed out from their regular nests of habitat by demographic and economic crisises, supposed to be targeted near the shores of the new continents and this happened. Statistics of the past 10 years showed 75 thousands foreign brides only from Ukraine. And, it’s four Ukrainian speakers per day, settling only in USA, not covering the other countries. Impressive picture, isn’t it so? For example you are woman immigrant who are already here, trying to learn the grammar rules of the new language, to get used to the culture of the new country and the same time as if to support you there are coming dozens the others like you, with the same transformations in the private and social life, which they are going to be faced here. They come not alone - with one child or several. Potentially they come with relatives, parents (although it is only in one from ten cases). But what I want to say that the population of such great country as America will increase due to so called “Ukrainian natives” from CIS, coming here day after day for already more then 10 years. And this process will continue…

I cannot say what is the randomness of statistic, but according to our famous Ukrainian Internet forums in America (for example like www.well.com.ru) and taking in consideration the migration processes from the Eastern European countries, we can suppose that during the last decade half a million people left from their home lands in all directions. Of course, no all of them landed on the American shores. But the fact is that in USA subsided three and a half million of coming and going Ukrainian!

Chapter two.

To show and to be seen!

It’s proven already by the public opinion that the Slovenian women are smart, attractive and tolerant. Their beauty they got from the natural mixture of nationalities, which from old times took place on their territories. And in the century of democratic changes when the private property was forbidden like in the times of socialism, so no property issues determined human’s life’s, people fell in love, married and went to build the big industrial cities of the past days with their beloved one’s. The children born from such marriages, as it known often occur to be beautiful and strong, so we can say that at least something positive the social formation did for the people deprived from the private property. Those who have nothing to loose at least have the right for sex choice with the assurance that the state will take care about yours child future – give the free room in the hostel and free kinder garden. This way the increasing of growth of population was stimulated. The social formation make people sure that all the children will grow together and become like brothers. This nicest slogan of the socialism are still in memories of all those who sit on the same school benches and was taught with the similar school programs with obligatory ten years secondary education.

Why are Slovenian ladies are smart? First of all because their parents were married run by the real love feeling not by common sense based on property issues. Second, because the education even in colleges and Universities in Soviet Ukraine those days were free of charge. It means that if you want to study, have the patience, and habits, skilful enough and wishes and desires to be educated - just do it with no pay needed! There appeared the new class old days estate Ukrainian society – the Soviet intelligence. Brought up on the best traditions of the world culture and on the samples if classic literature and heroic deeds of the ancestors, those people were not only alive screws of the system, they created the unique contest of the social consciousness, which was reflected in the movies, which biggest fans we all were in our childhood and even now. If you want to pull the rope connecting the hundred thousands of our people into the generation, in order to understand what is the cultural contest used to be, just name please for example comedy of Gaidie “The adventures of Shurik or the operation “I””. In order to understand the humor of one nation you need to be born and grown in this surrounding. Or to spend actively in the new one not less the ten years! My colleague from Moscow University who lived in the United States now for more then 12 years, actively works and studies here, once in private conversation told that only after 10 years in the new country she start to grasp all the jokes of the American nation and laugh on them too. And we discuss the epochs and their influences...

Regarding the question of why our Slovenian women are the most tolerant or patient, I’ll tell that they poor girls overcame so many things in the short period during only one century like wars, crises and revolutions that the life willy-nilly made them tolerant. As in the proverb: “For one beaten they give two unbeaten one’s”.

Chapter three.

Lets make aquientenance in the United States

So, women came to boundless, spread on the three time zones country which is although tighter then the one they once used to belong, which was prolonged for 7 time zones to start new biography as a fiancées, wife’s, daughter’s of the religious immigrants, or the refugees who were given their political asylum, or just those who came here on the worker’s visas. They are numerous. The life will filtrate all of them in the one melting pot. But while the years are passing by who knows where they will plug their roots… And even if from the three millions living here in the US Ukrainian speakers what we may called “available” for the local secondary market of the Ukrainian fiancées will be even 10 percents – it will be already huge army in 300 000 people, willing to find their new women’s destiny (if not found already). Or even if we would take into consideration that their availability amount is much smaller, for example like 1 percent, it will be nevertheless 30 000 Ukrainian women, the potential Ukrainian brides and wife’s! And of course to whom as if not for the naturally born on this land Americans will they give their best chances and preferences to select and be selected!

Chapter four.

Where to find them?

The target for those who decided through the different motives to join their destinies with the ethnic Ukrainian woman is not simply could be aimed. To reply on this question they should have known the friends from the same original language sphere as their potential brides. Because you cannot slow down every attractive face for aquientenance with the same question: “Tell me please, do you have Ukrainian roots?” In order to get positive reply on this question one need to be lucky, like the majority of the readers of this story, specially born to find the happiness with the legal immigrant from CIS.

So, let’s give several directions leading to satisfy the preliminary reader’s attention. And further on it will be like in the child’s song: “One brick, then two bricks will be the ladder.” So, installing the compass in what direction to move the insistent reader and sticking to the Ukrainian idea American sooner or later will enter this market of brides. Of course, there does exist also the primary market of Ukrainian brides. It means one may go to the historic motherland of the Ukrainian women, where you will have no need to ask every lady you will fond of, what is her language and roots, because the reply would be cleared even without this in advance. And we will describe it later on. And for now – let’s make an exact scheme.

Let’s imagine that you, reader are elderly man, who will soon get retired or is already retired and your private life with the strongly independent American ladies due to some reason did not settled. You already somewhere heard or probably has seen in your friend’s sample that Slovenian wife is good- spirited nice housekeeper, economic and not demanded woman and charming personality a plus. And you want to bite the fruit from this tree of knowledge. How and where you can find one? To fly overseas – it’s too expensive and your health probably will not allow. Beside those horrors that the press describes about the third world do not encourage you? And how to make the things easier, and as they joke in far places “not to fly to Odessa through Vladivostok”? Actually the distance between these two cities in the other hemisphere is equal from continental US to Hawaii.

Waiting for reply – here I am with it like the mistress with the hot pancakes. First of all inquire the Ukrainian wife of your friends or neighbors if you have such, she will with pleasure tell you if she had alone nice girl friend or attractive woman relative with good character on her motherland, willing to be married. And - oh, wonder – the miracles happen! You will have no need to move far. The fact the Slovenian kindness drives them to make happiness of her ex-colleagues (so, such ladies for sure will be educated), old friends or even far relative. Even if such women from the beginning will say you that they could not remember those who want to be engaged, they may call you week after, amazing you that they actually remember one or two girls. Then do not hide your joy and write down the address, telephone, e-mail, or any other contact information with the help of which you may contact with such potential fiancé. Internet in CIS (former Ukrainian) countries is functioned from long ago but with the regular access to Internet and personal computer can boast only few selected one’s, according to statistic one from thousand. So, get ready to establish telephone connection and buy in advance cheap telephone cards in Wal Mart, where one minute talk with CIS counties will be not more the 15 cents, and in big cities it will couple of cents- cheaper then long distant calls inside the US.

So, about the legend of how to be introduced through personal aquientenance we already have been heard. Lets dig deeper and wider into the roots of this issue. Comparatively peaceful, painful and practically gratis way of getting aquientenance with Ukrainian, Moldavian and other Ukrainian-Slovenian women - is Internet. But not the dating agencies which will sock out dozen of dollars for the face you like to contact, but so called Ukrainian immigration sites and forums in America, where often the information in two languages is given. Through this Ukrainian Women Internet Periodicals in USA there is direct way to the secondary market of Ukrainian brides, and you, completing you portfolio can put your ad and picture over there with no payment. The same scheme with hard copied newspapers or magazines with the small difference that you need to make small payment. For example “Was waiting for you all my life”… If you are very lucky by nature you will get your aim already in the first case- inquiring Ukrainian wife’s of your friends about their friends left in CIS and ready for marriages. If you just lucky guy you can fish you purpose from the Internet forums and free dating options over there. And if the life did not reward you, even born in such blessed place like US neither with first not with second qualities, let’s go further on and try to catch the bird of success by its colored pheasant plumage.

Chapter five.

Going to Ukraine.

According to the American legislation, in order the fiancée from abroad could obtain visa to States, to the US embassies overseas should be presented photos of the personal meetings with the future couple as a proof. And so-called “Chinese” variants like the “fiancée through correspondence” will not work out here.

…Thus after you honestly keep the membership of the dozens of marriage clubs, specializing of the searches of Ukrainian Brides, spent a lot of time through electronic correspondence, bunch of money for the telephone communications and small presents to the potential selected few, there are started your starry hour, when you ignoring your old ulcer and the warnings of the doctor are packing the beg to go to the unknown, mysterious and frightening world with the name CIS, for the stable and comparatively cheap stuff like Ukrainian Bride! I’ll tell you first of all - leave you fears at home – the bear’s slandered last time on the Moscow Red Square in the eighteenth century and besides on the chain, when the moving circus visited the place. Modern Western Europe is civilized and the only gap in this flourishing in between stylish buildings is the lack of regular hot water in the hotels. But in this case you may work out new rule – to wash the face with the cool water or just to rent instead of hotels the fashionable apartments in the private sector, where there are used boilers for heating water. And the only incident of the immediate disappearance of the hot water could be the disconnect of electricity. But the same thing from time to time happen even in our American house, when during the storms the trees fall, breaking the wires. And as everywhere the special services should be called to settle the problems. May be in America this works only a little bit faster. On the other hand in Ukraine (including CIS counties) the real stimulus for these services to make their job quickly may become the financial stimulus (from twenty dollars and up, depending on the complications of arousing problems). In general so called “stress tourism” is very useful for the organism and increase the immunization factors.

So, you are with the beg filled with presents and the fours or better five digits balance on your credit card are staying in front of the door where your potential fiancée lives. Let’s hope that after so many efforts and expenses you finally will get your good luck bird, just exact what you used to dream about in your house in the depths on the neglected American territories. If not, you will probably come again into the Ukraine, Moldova or CIS Baltic countries. Some of the men with the help of agencies arrange so called “marriage tours”, other resolve this issues different way, spending for these purposes from several thousands and up, depending on your financial possibilities and the requirements of your soul lady. Let’s imagine finally the lady you were looking for is found and ready to chare your life plans. What to do further on?..

Chapter sixth.

Documents and headaches are closely connected…

After the 11-th of September the background check of your future sweetheart by security as well as others who are entering the United States may take months. How to jump into despair waiting for you future wife, and keep you feelings fresh? There are several variants. First of all is to follow all the instructions on the US embassies sites concerning preparing documents for entrance (their web-addresses easy can be found through search engine on www.google.com). They can be as follow: notarized papers that each of you is not married for the current moment, the divorce papers from the previous marriage if you had such. To the fiancé taking the bride to his country for permanent living the proof of financial competence. Sometimes the references from psychiatrist that the man is in healthy mind and responsible for the decision-making and steps he is taking now (smile, please). The woman should hurry up and translate into English and legalize the references from police department in her home country that she have no criminal record – of course what country want to have such people? And that all her children from the previous marriages are released by their biological father from the home country and is blessed for the new life abroad…

If both can’t wait to get married and the immigration paper procedure is still hanging, couple can get married in the home country of the fiancée (one of this exotic marriages in CIS), preparing to this several other documents like references about health conditions and the absence of Aids. And then lady can restart to put papers in order like the legal wife and enter US in this status. It means that in the port of entrance she will be taken fingerprints and get employment authorization stamp. And all the legal papers like residence card will come in one month by regular mail. And you will economy time for the visit in INS offices.

If your lady will come on fiancée visa you could marry according to the local rules and tradition in the United States in the local Court House or in Church in 30 days and fill all the documents for changing her status by yourself, using the new, very well done Immigrations site on www.bcis.gov which will allow even to the novices in the legal fields to find the ends and to straighten out in the narrow corridors of paper procedures.

Chapter seven. How to replant the Ukrainian wife to the new life?

Of course, we choose in CIS not the worst women, visa versa we choose the best of them! We put an eye on the educated doctors, teachers or artists, scientists. And probably expecting them to have the same achievements in their carrier fields over here. But usually it does not go this way. Let’s take ideal situation when your fiancée or wife has no language barrier. And in the case if she has one? Language courses in the Adult Education Centers probably will not satisfy her intellectually, but the course of English as the second language in college may not fit you pocket expenses. Besides you will be faced the necessity to drive her over there regularly, because in her home country even if she use the car only in the quality of a passenger - public transportation is strongly developed in Eastern Europe. What to do? How to improve the language? How to overcome the shyness to speak in new language? Different families resolve this question differently. Some people if their language knowledge is good enough instead of intimacy with the partner will spend all the spare evenings with the books, explaining to the wife all the narrow places and all the nuances of language. Some, vise versa, have their own limited vocabulary of the words and phrases they use in the everyday life and cannot be helpful with this. My advice - take the wife to the library to pick up the audiotapes, because if the books give the vocabulary and sentence construction supplies, only the alive literary speech of audiotape novels with historic or modern everyday plots will activate her own speaking center and desire to express perfectly herself in the new language sphere. Pick up the novels of such popular authors, for example like Danielle Steel. And let her listen – at home in earphones, in the car while driving…

Ah, we forgot to talk about one of the most important besides language keys of adaptation to the American life – driving the automobile. Only, please, do not make fun from your forty years old spouse that she lives so many years without knowing how to drive! You personally did not drive from you child’s cradle! You were also needed many months of driving experience in order to make with no fear 70 miles per hour on the highway. Try to understand the fact, that when you were first taking driving lessons you were fifteen. And for the ladies after thirty-five it’s much more complicated to overcome the fear to make right parallel parking for example. So, it will be much better if your wife will come to the States already taught how to drive. Do not economy 100-200 bucks for this. While learning the main rules in her native language, the other practical skills she could take under your guidance, so after some time you can be proud of yourself as a teacher. So, the auto-courses and the English for the beginners should be taken primary in her home country (the prices varies from 200 to 500 dollars). It is the dowry, which your future wife can bring to you together with her education, common smartness, good housekeeping skills, kind heart, and flexible body. So, do not restrain finance on the first two one’s and the last one’s you will get as a bonus!

Chapter eight.

What you’ll seed, the same you’ll harves

There exist one banal proverb invented by coming to US immigrants. “What is the guarantee period of the Ukrainian wife?” Those who made up such guess, spiteful reply: “Till the first day of naturalization”. Relax; it’s only a joke! First of all because the citizenship your wife will not get shortly (it takes minimum from 3 to 5 years from her arrival, but in reality it takes much longer). Second, because if you are nice guy – no wife will leave you. And really, for what reason she should change you, if you are perfect? The Slovenian mentality reflects this in the proverb “Do not look for better when you have something real good”.

But if you are not so perfect, and sometimes mean, angry and greedy guy with the attempts to control everything, be ready for the conflicts in family from the beginning. And, please, do not try to scare poor girl that if she will act not like you wish, she will not get her green card. American law is the most humanistic law in the world and already took care so the humiliating slavery in human relationships will be eliminated once and forever. So if you guys are flying overseas with the idea to find there low to upkeep home slave bio machine with the sexy appearance, submissive and wordless, just stop now, fellow! Slovenian women are proud and although can be very patient for long, when the right time come may become very revengeful and proceed the green card without your help based on the fact of two years marriage. And on the spouse’s threatens and the attempts to forbid the contacts with the compatriots, to control the e-mail correspondence or eavesdropping the telephone talks, can sue you like for psychological abuse. And can leave you for shelter, where she can be taken care of, and will be legalized on her own in this country and you will be face the fact to pay plus for her the support money. This is the fact, because when you fill the papers to take your fiancée inside the country, you automatically guarantee her financial security not from public - from your pocket. So, be kind for this commodity and you’ll be rewarded with the kind and good housekeeper, lovely wife next to you. If you’ll try to be cheap, to practice family tyranny, you will not then even find out from where did your sweaty got such ugly “teeth of dragon”. I will explain the term. People, grown in the communal kitchens can defend themselves easily. Or as the old book says: “Those who plant the despair will get no faith. Who carry the joy will get the hope”.

Chapter nine.

Or continuation of the adaptation.

So, the time has come to look through couple of useful links. Educational Degree of your spouse can be evaluated by visiting the sites on www.ece.org or www.wes.org. Usually, the regular college in Eastern Europe with the five years program will be equal for Bachelors. Those, who had studied in European type of graduate school, will probably get local Masters. Not all American institutions are big fans of the international degrees even from the top colleges in CIS. Majority of good positions you may apply for only having the local type of degree. And if your wife is eager to study and you are ready to invest into her education to get in year or two local degrees, based on her credits evaluations from the previous school, do this. Nobody ever regret time and money invested into the graduate studies, because this piece of paper will feed your family all the rest of your life. Wherever you will live in future.

But to regret, majority will never learn in all the subtle differences the local language, and never will conquer the professional cliffs they used to climb in their old life. And for that they need to get ready in advance. Many women change their occupation. The school directors in the past become the substitute teachers; qualified doctors go to the medical nursery. Who likes what, tastes are different. A lot of women closer to their fifties with the poor language simply go for the part-time cashier’s positions, or become waitresses in the restaurants, or the hotel cleaners. Although this work is not simple besides not creative and very bad paid… To stand for 5-7 hours and keep attention is not the easiest job to do, so nobody gets the easy bread.

Those are luckier who used to deals with arts in their motherlands and can draw or play musical instruments. Americans, especially young, are very sensitive to the arts, that’s why they can probably have the clients for the private lessons – with the payment from 20 to 40 dollars per hour, depending on qualification and the State you are living in…

Chapter ten.

Or the cultural adaptation.

Its not a secrete, that Ukrainian women are very communicative. Before coming here most of them lived or studied in the big cities. So, let your new wife to make friends and over here, help her to find access to the cultural places like museums, exhibitions, theaters and art galleries. Do not prevent her to explore this new for her world and the adaptation, which usually takes from half year to year and a half, will pass smoothly

Ukrainian tales usually finished with the thesis – “And they live together in peace and harmony many years!” Slovenians know how to love, to be faithful and thankful for the man who proposed for her the place near his oven. Hope you‘ll settle your life. And peace for your house on many years!

On this site is given the stories of the woman, professional journalist from the former Soviet Union, who is married in the States. The majority of the fiction plots can be joined under the title "Married to American: Ukrainian wife stories" You are welcomed to share my literary experiencies. If you want to buy my book both in English or Ukrainian languages contact me directly by Or use the links at the bottom of the page

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